[Is that what he wants? Shinjiro's silent a moment, just looking at the man across from him. His expression loses none of the intensity it held when he first opened the door, but there's a ... sense of exhaustion trickling in, maybe.]
...I don't know. I know it bugs me that you strolled up into my life thinking you could fix me and I wouldn't look at you twice in the process. I know it pisses me the hell off that you don't care what it costs out of you to be some safe harbor for everyone else.
[...]
[He sighs, and it's heavy.]
I know that even if I shut the door and told you to take a hike, you'd still give a shit anyway. And if it's gonna be like that ... if you're gonna be in my life, I got the right to ask that you mean it when you say we'd take care of each other. Without all the bullshit and games, or hiding behind the teacher shit. Be upfront with me about how you're doing and I'll be upfront with you.
[ ah. what a lovely revelation to witness. and to be part of. he's touched, though it's difficult to show that. qifrey smiles faintly as he picks his own words with care. ]
My intent was not to fix you. It was to help. That still remains my intention. A harbor as you so aptly put it. And you're very right that if you push me aside, I'll probably just sit outside your door.
[ his little joke! then his expression shifts into something more serious, a rarity for qifrey. ]
In regards to how I'm doing, I meant what I said. Things like SLEEPR or facts about my past don't bother me. It is frustrating at times, yes. But I rarely get upset over them. I look to the future. I look to the things I can do. A lot has been taken from me.
[Oh, the little involuntary cringe that crawls up his shoulders at that last part. But Shinjiro closes his eyes, lets the feeling pass through him rather than get embarrassed and defensive and derail his whole point.
A little puff of air leaves him and he rubs at his neck a moment before he recovers.]
Yeah, you wanna help. But when that's all you talk about, the ways you want to improve shit, it just seems like ... the harbor can't be that safe a place if your own ship sank in it. You know?
[He shakes his head.]
Gotta make room for patching it up over there, for other ships to join it in that.
[ qifrey can keep food fresh for months with the use of magic, though he tries not to overuse that technique. he pulls out some slices of the peace rose mousse he made and the last of the markteas he had. ]
[...alright, that looks delicious, actually. Shinjiro's eyes widen with some interest, and he heads off to the kitchen to fetch a couple of plates, cups, and and forks before settling down with them on the couch next to Qifrey.]
[Ah. His students, right? The way Qifrey talks about them sounds, even now, like he's describing his own children. Or at least, how Shinjiro imagines people talk about their kids, anyway -- not like he remembers his own very well anymore. It's a strange feeling, though, as someone who never felt much connection to school or his teachers, even before everything in his life fell apart. Qifrey's voice carries so much affection for them.
Still...it strikes Shinjiro, as he looks at the (beautiful, frankly) dessert, that the kids only ever really come up with they've been arguing about something. He hasn't been above referencing them to make a point, and yet he doesn't know anything about them. He's silent a moment or two. Then:]
[ qifrey goes to fetch the plates and cutlery, responding as the clatter of plates and metal come together. ]
Richeh can be quite picky about food. It took a while to find what she likes. Tetia loves to try anything new. Agott hates to sit down to eat, preferring to work all the time. Coco enjoys to cook alongside me using magic. It helps her learn better.
[ he feels the pang in his heart. it's been nearly a year since he's seen them. they're fine. olruggio would never let anything happen to them. but he misses them. to teach was his calling and he can't do that here. he's hampered by the laws of the witches. ]
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...I don't know. I know it bugs me that you strolled up into my life thinking you could fix me and I wouldn't look at you twice in the process. I know it pisses me the hell off that you don't care what it costs out of you to be some safe harbor for everyone else.
[...]
[He sighs, and it's heavy.]
I know that even if I shut the door and told you to take a hike, you'd still give a shit anyway. And if it's gonna be like that ... if you're gonna be in my life, I got the right to ask that you mean it when you say we'd take care of each other. Without all the bullshit and games, or hiding behind the teacher shit. Be upfront with me about how you're doing and I'll be upfront with you.
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My intent was not to fix you. It was to help. That still remains my intention. A harbor as you so aptly put it. And you're very right that if you push me aside, I'll probably just sit outside your door.
[ his little joke! then his expression shifts into something more serious, a rarity for qifrey. ]
In regards to how I'm doing, I meant what I said. Things like SLEEPR or facts about my past don't bother me. It is frustrating at times, yes. But I rarely get upset over them. I look to the future. I look to the things I can do. A lot has been taken from me.
But I have gained a lot too. Like you.
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A little puff of air leaves him and he rubs at his neck a moment before he recovers.]
Yeah, you wanna help. But when that's all you talk about, the ways you want to improve shit, it just seems like ... the harbor can't be that safe a place if your own ship sank in it. You know?
[He shakes his head.]
Gotta make room for patching it up over there, for other ships to join it in that.
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I'm really not that badly off . . . Do I really give that impression?
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You went blind during the flower disease from not talking to anyone about shit and were still tryin' to help me.
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[He's just. Saying.]
You really gonna pretend you ain't gonna be back in the same hole if something like that happens again?
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But I do see your point. I need to take care of myself too. And not hide it.
Is that fair?
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...Yeah. That's fair.
[Hm. He looks at Qifrey, looks at the doorway between them, and reaches up to rub at his neck.]
You wanna come in?
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[He finally opens the door wider, stepping aside to let Qifrey in.]
These the kind of treats that need reheating, or we good to just eat 'em now?
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[ qifrey can keep food fresh for months with the use of magic, though he tries not to overuse that technique. he pulls out some slices of the peace rose mousse he made and the last of the markteas he had. ]
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You made these?
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Still...it strikes Shinjiro, as he looks at the (beautiful, frankly) dessert, that the kids only ever really come up with they've been arguing about something. He hasn't been above referencing them to make a point, and yet he doesn't know anything about them. He's silent a moment or two. Then:]
I can imagine. What kind of things did they like?
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Richeh can be quite picky about food. It took a while to find what she likes. Tetia loves to try anything new. Agott hates to sit down to eat, preferring to work all the time. Coco enjoys to cook alongside me using magic. It helps her learn better.
[ he feels the pang in his heart. it's been nearly a year since he's seen them. they're fine. olruggio would never let anything happen to them. but he misses them. to teach was his calling and he can't do that here. he's hampered by the laws of the witches. ]